| Flends!!!!! |
[10 Mar 2006|08:33am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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Here's a Shout Out to a few people that are greatly missed by me at Sheridan....
KAIT!!! STEPHEN!!! LEXIE!!! & ROMINA!!!
I'm so proud of all of you. CHEERS AMIGOS!!!
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| 5 simple pleasures |
[24 Jan 2006|08:24am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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5 simple pleasures....
1. Waking up next to you in the morning
2. Hugs and Kisses from my friends
3. Reading...whatever it may be a stop sign, novel, poetry..the crossword hints..
4. Learning that you can belt higher than you ever thought
5. Smiling at a stanger
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| Bah School Again |
[04 Jan 2006|12:12pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
I need ideas for Jury Material....
Any suggestions?
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| New Years |
[02 Jan 2006|07:51pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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sweet sounds of Teague singing |
] |
Well, well, well, everyone else seems to be writing in their New Years Resolutions, so I thought Ha what the heck, I might as well join em.
So here are a few.
1. To eat only when I'm hungry (for those of you who know me, this is going to be the hardest one to follow)
2. Call my family more (I realized this holiday that I miss them and need them more than I think)
3. To read as many novels as I can in one year
4. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, and love like I've never loved before. Love everyone
5. To learn the peace of forgiveness
6. Have more sleepovers with my friends
7. Write in my journal(s) more
8. Get back to writing songs
9. Light more candles, give and recieve more massages
10. Take time for myself everyday
I miss everyone and can't wait to see all your lovely faces again!!!
I hope everyone is relaxing, and enjoying their time off, we all deserve this!
xoxoxoxo
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[14 Dec 2005|09:02pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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Today I realized that I had lost sight of what was really important to me, and why I'm here. I was having the shittist day. I don't think I've ever felt so much self doubt in one day. It was all consumming....and then after a break down I put on my disk man, and sang the shit out of my pop songs. It was there and then that I realized that THAT is what makes me happy. SINGING!!
THAT'S why I came here
and..
THAT'S why I'm still here
It's the thing that can get me out of any bad mood, and I had forgotten that.
It's funny how I can get myself so wrapped up in everything else and lose sight of what makes me happy. Because isn't happiness and peace the most important thing?
So after tonight I decided that I'm going my critique for noone else but me this time.
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[10 Nov 2005|05:43pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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I avoid too many things/people
I'm sorry!
I am in need.
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[14 Aug 2005|08:12am] |
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Can anybody tell me what day school acutally starts for us? What is the first day I need to step foot on that campus, because I don't think I understand the handout.........I'm blonde okay.
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| Random |
[24 Jul 2005|10:27pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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Why is it that when we feel a little bit off balance, insecure, or worried about something we always turn to friends, the computer, tv or books for comfort. How come it's so hard for us to comfort ourselves?
To comfort a friend is easy, it's a natural.
But to comfort yourself is hard, and awkward.
Par example, I am feeling extremely insecure right now. About what, I'd rather not say. And yet here I am writing a damn livejournal to try and console myself. It's usless, but I'm here anyway.
I'm afraid
I'm afraid of what I have to say to myself
I'm afraid I won't be able to offer any advice....but yet I can always offer advice to friends so why should offering it to myself be any different?
I'm writing this in here instead of my real journal because I want people to "see me" you know, I want you guys to see the raw me. I don't want to pretend. And yet I'm holding things back. I'm too afraid to just lay it all out on the line because well I would still like to keep some things private, but that defeats the whole purpose of exposing myself.
So as you can see I'm kind of torn, and avoiding sitting alone thinking to myself. So I'm trying to occupy myself for as long as possible until I can't keep my eyes open anymore or I just fall asleep, and wait for the next night to roll around when I have eons of time to sit alone and think again.
I have this craving I need to feed right now, but I gave up eating for comfort, my silk, and smoking so I'm left here with just my craving and nothing to fill the void except some peace from myself, which I haven't excatly found yet.
Okay I gotta quit this cause I'm just going in circles.
I miss Teague :(
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| FYI |
[18 Jul 2005|09:53am] |
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Pet Peeve.....when people say "anyways" there's no 's'.
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| GIG!!! |
[29 Jun 2005|09:50am] |
Hey Everybody!
Tim and I are playing in Toronto this Friday night!
It's at Grace O'Mally's. Which is on Duncan Street.
I would love it if everybody would come, if you can't that's cool too.....
But.....if you aren't doing anything on Friday come and check it out.
E-mail me if you want more directions!
Hope to see you there!!!!
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[18 Jun 2005|09:43am] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
] |
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music |
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You're So Vain-Carly Simon |
] |
Sometimes I wonder if you ever stop to think...."She deserves more than this"
Cause after last night that's excatly what I told myself.
I'm tired of crying over things we aren't willing to change
I'm tired of always feeling like the bad guy
I'm tired of giving and giving and feeling bad about asking for a little something in return
I deserve more, bottom line
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[16 Jun 2005|10:26pm] |
I have too much to say, yet nothing at all.
It seems that's the way things are these days. I have my thoughts, and I mostly keep them to myself. And to tell you the truth....I don't mind it that way.
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[04 Jun 2005|05:27pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
I just got off the midnight shift and it's 5:30 in the morning and I can't seem to fall asleep yet. That's the only bad thing about working nights, it fucks up you sleeping schedual.
And for sure right now, no one in their right mind would be on the MSN to talk to! hahahaha so I'm writing in here.
I'm a little upset, well not really upset, but I guess kinda poopy because I was all excited about getting a real tan this summer instead of a burn. With the gym membership I bought you get 5 free tans. The lady who works there told me that a person with fair skin like me can get a tan, but I just have to do it every other day and not for very long for about two weeks and I'll start to get a base. So anyway, I had gone two times and I was getting a wee bit of colour, and it wasn't all that pink, and then today I go in and the girl is not working it's the guy who owns the gym. So he puts me in for 8 minutes instead of 6, and now I look like a lobster! Hmmmm Poop! So I have to stay away from the bed until my burn turns to a tan. I guess it's true what they say that good things take time or something like that! hahahaha
Really the worse part about it is that it's a stand up bed, so that's great because I can tan everywhere with no white strips down the side, but my boobs don't excatly stay up on their own, so now I have two little white patches underneath my boobs. AND IT'S RED ALL AROUND! ARG!
Well, I guess I really should have learned my lesson the first time I tried to tan 20 years ago and burnt to a crisp. Some people never learn. ie) ME! I have high hopes what can I say.
I'm going to Oakville on Sunday! YES!!!! I get to see my love, and Ben and Dustin, and Krissy, and Dan! and whoever else I might happen to run into.
OKay I'm going to try and sleep now.
2 more sleeps!!!!
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[01 Jun 2005|12:35pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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Mexico- Incubus |
] |
Went out for Chelsea's birthday tonight. We went to the drive in ( a bunch of girls and we sat in the back of the truck) with lots of blankets and food. We smoked a joint and were set to go.
I saw a huge bush fire I guess you would call it on my drive to Kingston. Aww it was so sad, cause I saw people just wathcing, including the fire fighters because there was nothing they could do except let it fizzle out. So I started to cry. I think I cried because it was just so sad to think that someone did this on purpose or some carelss person made this happen. It's nature DAMNIT, and it's not fair.
I just finished catching up on my livejournal reading. I had a lot of it to do, because my friends page has been acting stupid lately. I don't know what I put that in there because clearly no one cares.
Reading all of these journals about people loosing weight and their special diets and stuff is making me feel like I should be doing more. But I'm just letting it get to me. I'm fine.
It's late here and there is no one to talk to. ;( I wish Krissy was online, but she's probably in bed because she gets up really early all the time. Love ya girl! Just thought I would throw that one in there.
This was kind of random. But so are my thoughts right now, so I shall rest my head no.
Goodnight my loves, you know who you are!
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[18 May 2005|10:34pm] |
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mood |
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loved |
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The only rational act is Love
I'm in love!
I'm more in love every time I see him!
Emotion is just pouring out of me right now, and I'm happy, because for the first time in a really really long time I feel alive. I want to experience everything, and I'm ready to allow everything in.
I can't explain it excatly, but there is this constant energy bubbling in my soul, it's love, and it's there to keep me alive.
It's a beautiful thing
It's more than a beautiful thing
It's....I dunno....it just is..........
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[14 May 2005|12:21pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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I'm eating the greatest lunch I've ever made in my life right now. It's penne noodles with lots of chopped up veggies, and shredded cheeseon top! Yes, I'm so proud of myself.
Things I'm excited about:
1. Krissy is coming down tonight and we are gonna hang out for a bit with Anna
2.Going back to Oakville tomorrow!!!! I'm excited about that one for numerous reasons
2a) get to see my boy!
b)get to cuddle with Dustin
c) get to chill out with Ben, Leslie, and Brent again
d) just get to be with good people that I love all too much!
3. the gym membership my mom is buying me next Thursday
4. Alanis!!!
5. Gail coming to Gan
6. Playing with Tim
Things I'm not too excited about:
1. This rain
2. Working today
3. Not working every Sunday like I usually do, fuck A&P screwed me
4. having to leave Oakville on Wednesday
5. how much money I have right now
6. how much debt I'm going to be in next year when I graduate
7. How damn cold it is in my house
Anyway, that's basically it. I'm bored out of my brains right now. Oh well, maybe I'll take a nap for half an hour! Hope everyone is doing well.
By the way it anyone is interested in seeing Alanis Morrisette's acoustic concert of Jagged Little Pill at the Humming Bird Center on Tuesday June 7th. Let me know because I have two extra tickets that I need to sell.
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| GAN!!! |
[06 May 2005|10:36pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
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music |
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The sound of my dishwasher |
] |
It's so wierd to be back here in Gananoque. I walked into the A&P tonight and it was like I had never left, because the same people were standing in the same spot as when I left in September. That's crazy, but I guess that's the way life is once you settle down and just work the same damn job everyday. So I took a moment to sit back and realize that at least what I've chosen to do with my life is a little more exciting than the same job everyday, at the same place everyday for the next 30 years. The money may not be as good but who cares boredom can kill you.
So Danny asked me if I wanted to go to the movies tonight with him Tim, Tim's gf and Greg, but I passed because I think I just needed a night to sit in and start realizing what it's gonna be like here for the next little while.
Things with my parents are so far so good, but I mean I've only really been with them for a few hours, but still that's a start.
I miss so many people and things:
-Teague
-Hanging out at Ben and Dustin's (what an awesome week I had...sooo wonderful)
-Sleeping with Teague
-Chats with Anna
-Cigarettes on the balcony and maybe something a little illegal...
-Bitchy about Sheridan College (hahaha it's good to get away from it though)
-Leslie and Brent and Mario Kart! YES!
-Kritty, Dan, Chris and the gang coming over
Oh and just a bunch of other stuff
I was thinking today as I got off the Go train which I lost my balance and ran into this lady and then lost my balance AGAIN and fell backwards on the steps right on my ass...needless to say that was embarassing. Anyway, I was thinking as I was getting off that train that I'm glad I came to Sheridan, even though there is so much bullshit, and most of the time I know that I'll probably never do theatre. I'm glad I came because of the amazing people I've met here. I haven't just met friends here, I met family, which is something that Sheridan College has given me and can never take away from me. So thanks!
I'm pretty long winded tonight because...well it's probably because I'm alone. LBW guys! lol!
Anyway, I'll end it here for those of you who have made it this far I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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| My End of the Year |
[29 Apr 2005|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
] |
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music |
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Joyful Girl- Ani |
] |
Get together at my house tonight includes:
Dan Dyer
Katie Hicks
Chris Zonneville
Krissy Uranowski
Teague Patchett
Anna Sudac
Chelsea Swain
Meghan Smythe
Emily Smythe
Carl Pucl
Reed Nikaforick
and this Josh dude
lots of McDonalds
endless amounts of cigarettes
booze, booze, and more booze
music, sweet music
self portraits
love
love
love
love
love
love and most importantly LOVE!
.....Thank You.......
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[21 Apr 2005|05:49pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Cry if you Want To |
] |
3 smokes
1 bag of jalapeno chips
1 coffee crisp chocolate bar
and 1 diet coke later, and I'm still just as upset as when I walked in the door. Or before I walked in the door.
This self destrutive behaviour I think is really taking it's toll on me.
I am ashamed and I don't want to feel ashamed. So that is why I am writting this on here to make it public, because I AM allowed to feel this way.
Don't tell me that it doesn't matter
Don't tell me that I shouldn't care
Don't tell me to get over it
Don't tell me it's alright
I don't want your pity
I don't want your encouraging comments
I just want your acceptance in letting me sit in this state for at least tonight.
I'm trying not to use the would "Should" in my vocabulary anymore, because it just means I'm not allowing myself to feel and do what I want to. So I won't say "I should just get over it", or that "I shouldn't feel this way"
I'm angry an embarassed. I'm embarassed for letting myself believe that I was something that I'm not, or that I was better than I am. And then I'm angry because I embarassed, because I believe everything they say to be true. When clearly it's not. But I believe it!
So I'm just in the whirlwind of emotions right now, and I don't know how else to deal with myself other than self destruct.
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wandisms's journal
EXCUSE ME????
HI!!!!!!!!!
KISS ME FOOL! 